Hawaii 1999

Worst Name For An Herbal Supplement Ever, I Don't Care If It Is A Shot

Have you guys heard of the "Cheerz Lime Peelerz?" Sadly, I did not misspell that. Evidently, it's this new herbal supplement shot you can add to your drinks so you won't get a hangover or throw up. Sounds way too good to be true, right? I actually visited their website and they tout this one study that proved the effects. Well, it's being unveiled in Vegas on the 12th and it just so happens I, too, will be in Sin City the following weekend. I will stock up on these shots and will drink with wild abandon! Yes, I will! For science!! FOR THE LOVE OF SCIENCE!

I think their website is kinda made for people already drunk. They keep talking about "moderate drinking," but they're not fooling anyone. At times, they don't even try to explain things with words anymore, they just use goofy pictures. For example:

And:

And they're not even trying to say it's the alcohol to blame really. It's the bad, evil acetaldehyde component of the alcohol, hence the inclusion of these pics on the site's



I kid you not. It's like a ride at Six Flags, people! Come on! Let's go for a ride on Cirrhosis Rapids! Wheee!

Here's another gem from the site:

MYTH: Hung-over coworkers are kind of funny, but harmless.

FACT: Light-to-moderate drinkers have 70 percent more hangovers than heavier drinkers, and they cause a whopping 87 percent of all hangover-related problems in the workplace, costing businesses billions of dollars in lost productivity, absenteeism, and increased insurance costs.

Now here's where I have to disagree. We ARE totally funny and harmless. No question. No question at all.

Did anyone else see this image in today's Globe? Look at that child's room! What is going on there?? It is a miniature baseball field. He has like padded deck chairs as beds. See, this kind of stuff I just do not get. Look! There's even a mini brick building next to his bed. Ok, sometimes guys have really horrible design sense, so I'm blaming the mother for this one. You let things go too far! Baseball sheets are barely acceptable. I will try to dissuade any male offspring of mine off of the idea, but if he persists, I might allow it. But this?!?! Come on, woman! Someone in that household MUST GET A GRIP.

In the glasses, not the contacts.

Sorely Lacking In Soot Drawings

I checked out the Drawing Show at the Boston Center for the Arts' Mills Gallery this weekend. The novelty of this show is the artists were asked to draw directly on the walls. It contains a hodgepodge of styles. There's mural, grafitti, minimalist, and conceptual works. There are even a few exquisite corpses thrown in the mix. And there's only like 10 works in the entire exhibit! So, if you're used to unifying themes, you might feel a bit left out to sea. However, this may be the point. It appears the curators chose the works to give a sense of all that's possible and happening in the drawing world.

I found myself drawn to the mural for a lengthy bit of time. It may be the Mexican in me. No really, it seemed to be conveying some enigmatic story, that was tantalizingly readable, yet not. I was also drawn to these adorable yet strange bunny creatures cavorting near black holes. They're quite small and drawn at, below, and above eye level. So, I found myself always adjusting myself to be on their level to see what they were doing. It was like witnessing a parallel universe. A universe where animals performed human activities, but for different reasons than why we perform them. Again, almost understandable, yet very alien at the same time.

There were no drawings of people covered in soot, granted. So maybe I am not up with the times. But, I got to do some appreciating and that makes me happy.

Austin, Oh Austin

Girlie So Moderately Groovy, I Want You To Know

"Scenes From A Life" is what I'm calling the series of photos yesterday. Have y'all been listening to WFNX this holiday weekend? They're playing this eternal 'left over lunch' and it's most awesome. This morning, in the 8 minutes I was in the car, I got to hear 'Debaser' by the Pixies, Elastica's first hit single, which I can't remember the name of right now, and 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.' Come on! That's fantastic! I love it, love it, love it. I was thinking though about the terminology, "left over lunch." When I was in high school, there was a radio station in Dallas (the Edge) that ran a similar program during the lunch time hour. As a matter of fact, it was titled exactly the same, too. And, they played the exact same music. So, the "oldies" in my life have been the same since I started appreciating music. And they will forever be my oldies. I will carry them throughout my life. They will be played at my wedding, I will torture my kids with them in the car, more than likely a few of them will be played at my funeral. Hunh.

My thanksgiving was spent mostly cracking my shit up to the second season of Arrested Development. That's what I give thanks for. Who needs friends? I joke! I kid with you! No, no, I finally peeled myself off of the couch and sobered up enough to drive to a friend's place in Beacon Hill. Where we played Taboo. We pitted the boys against the girls, and you know what? We girls KICKED ASS. It was never so evident how poorly guys are at communicating, until we clustered them together and made them to try to describe things to one another. It was a slow, painful torture to watch. Lots of "um's" and awkward silences. However, we women were on fire. Poor, poor men.

Today, I am WILLING myself to work out. Come on, Notyomomma, do it! Please? Just do it! You have no choice! Listen to me! No, don't put on that robe! Take off the slippies!! Find your sneakers right this instant! You do too know where they are! Don't lie to me!

Sigh.

Oh! Tonight, I'm going to hear Oakenfold spin. It's actually making me feel a bit old. Many of the events transpiring along with this, are things that NEVER would have happened back when I was a true clubber:

A) The tickets were purchased well in advance, due to excessive pre-planning of night "out on the town."

B) We are planning on arriving by 9 pm. To make sure we get there in time and don't have to stand in any long lines.

C) There are 3 couples going together. The combined coupledom equalling well over a decade.

D) As part of the night "out on the town," we will be having a chichi dinner, where we will share a bottle or two of pinot noir.

Back in the day, this WAS NOT the way I prepared for a night of clubbing. I was usually getting ready at 10 pm sipping a rum and coke as I tried on clothes while dancing in front of the mirror with the music blaring from my stereo.

Oh well. I'll just revel in my musical left overs and try not to embarass myself too much tonight while doing the smurf.

Wake Up Call

Service To
JAMAICA PLAIN,MA
02130


Next Meter Reading
12/15/2005

Rate R-3
Res. Heating
Bill Date
11/18/2005

CURRENT BILL ITEMIZED
In 28 days you used 152 therms
11/17/2005 reading ACTUAL 1430
10/20/2005 reading ACTUAL 1284
CCF Used for METER# 00P341029 146


Thermal Factor x1.0418
Total therms used 152


Your Cost is determined as follows:


Minimum Charge $11.68
$ .4171 per day for 28 days
First 28.0 therms @ $.3656 10.24
Next 112.0 @ $.2929 32.80
Next 12.0 @ $.2025 2.43


Distribution Adjustment:
152 therms x 0.03830 per therm 5.82


GAS DELIVERY CHARGE $62.97


GAS SUPPLY CHARGE
@ 1.50410 /therm $228.62


TOTAL CURRENT CHARGES $291.59

Did you see that?! 300 FREAKING DOLLARS for our gas this month. Ohmygod! That's a 200% mark-up.

This is not good.

My sworn enemy

My Lovely Lady Lumps

That song is tres funny. My humps/My humps/My lovely lady lumps. I can't get it out of my head. I want to sing it to the world!

I've already forgotten what I did this weekend. My brain is in an alternate time zone right now. It's daydreaming about sleeping. I do know that I didn't do a lot, but that nonetheless did not keep me from not getting any sleep. I drank two cappuccinos (because I am addicted to the ones served by Hi Rise) on Saturday, topped off with a macchiato after the drinks and apps we had at Arbor (my favorite upper end restaurant in JP at the moment). That macchiato perked me right the hell up. Not only did it succeed in killing my buzz, it also made me crazy cranky, and unable to sleep until 4 in the morning. Darnit! So, I've sworn off the stuff.

Sunday, I napped. After awaking, though, I got all kinds of productive. I worked out, thereby proving miracles do happen. I also finished a freaking short. Hallelujah! It's done! I'm contemplating hosting a viewing party or unveiling it at some Thanksgiving shindig.

And that is my weekend report. Pictures are sorely needed on this site, I know. As you can see, I've posted an interpretive drawing of myself. It is NOT a picture of Michael Jackson, as one of my lovely friends suggested. It is of me, as I would look covered in soot, I guess. It was drawn in pencil. Cut some slack! I haven't been taking a lot of pics with my phone, so therein lies the problem. I guess the allure of that feature has officially worn off. I did buy a couple of black and white disposable cameras, having recently been inspired by Diane Arbus. Maybe I'll figure out how to post those when they're ready. I do have a picture of my sworn enemy, which I perhaps presciently snapped this weekend and a couple of not so thrilling pics from Boston's Greek Studio 54. You know what? I'll post them!

A Jolt of Freshness

I recently purchased LAST OF THE MOHICANS at Target the other day. Have you ever visited the dvd section of Target? It's a marvel. A modern day marvel. I have NO IDEA why I blithely ignored that whole area of the store all of these years. I freaking love Target, too. But I guess there are some sections I stroll right past. Pets and Babies would be other aisles I also routinely ignore, I suppose. But, I'm leaving my point. My point is that there are many super cheap dvds to be found here. LOTM was not on my mental radar at all. It dropped out of my memory years ago. But when I saw that is was $6.40, I snatched that baby right up. I wasn't planning on watching it right away, though. I recall it being a longer than average movie, so I thought it would be a nice gift to myself on a rainy day or something. However, as I was eating my toast the morning after, I instantly succumbed to the allure of my new purchase. I told myself I'd only watch it while I ate the toast. You can see where this is headed, right? Two hours later I peel myself from the couch, bread crumbs still all over my person. Thank god the dvd didn't have any special features or commentary or I wouldn't even have brushed my teeth that day. Needless to say, this movie fucking rocks. It does! The ending monologue by the, well, last of the mohicans is most splendid. And the deaths and suicide and running and emoting! Oh, the emoting! My personal favorite line in the movie is passionately yelled by Day-Lewis:

STAY ALIVE! I WILL FIND YOU! STAY ALIVE!

And then he jumps through the waterfall leaving her all teary-eyed to face Magua alone. The emotion is so encompassing when he says that line, it almost borders on self-parody. So of course I love it. When I first saw the movie in high school, I used to make my boyfriend say that to me whenever he had to part my company, like to go to 5th period or something. He did a killer impression. He's pretty good with the impressions, when, um, he can be. He also did a killer Aaron Neville. I would request that one about once a week, too.

The movie made me ponder whether it should be added to my all time Top 4, perhaps invoking a new All Time Top Group. My top four aren't in any particular order anyway and I'm feeling ready to add some jolts of freshness. The four being:

Bottle Rocket
Dr. Strangelove
Gone With The Wind
Living Out Loud

And so I shall.

Spending Cool Fall Days Indoors

My life, oh, my life. It's a pared down existence for me now. Strictly per my own choosing. I like to read and watch and edit and film and ruminate. All in my comfy, spacious home. In comfortable clothing. With the glasses, not the contacts. It's so nice. Being all unkempt and relaaaaaaaaxed. I love it so. My weeks fly by with all of this downtime. Yet, every week still feels brimming with fullness and just the slightest unease of still not having enough time to get it all done. But with much less of the pressure and the stress. Mmmmmmmm. I'm about to slip out of my chair with all of this relaxation talk.

I've begun organizing my days according to Major Themes. Today's theme is Creation. Specifically, the editing kind. I have one short that's practically completed. I'm pretty positive all of the tweaking is done. But I had to let it breathe for a few days before I can revisit it and decide, yes, It Is Done. The other short I'm trying to wrap up needs a few more scenes filmed. However, I have already filmed one of them. I need to try and edit it in. A Minor Theme today is working out, cause a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Especially if she hopes to get laid one day. I live on hope. And lots of Morrissey songs.

A Luver's Rant

Netflix is a great site. I'm sorry, it just is. Ok, I'm not sorry. It just is. Yet something new I have discovered on the site: it tells me the ratings of a movie within the pool of others who have rated like me. So, not only can I see the mass general rating, I can also see the rating of like-minded folks. That's just fab. Triple snaps for them.

Clive Owen is the sexiest actor making movies today.

This weekend, I visited Boston's Greek Studio 54, where my lucky roommate was serenaded in Arabic, it being his birthday and the band being, er, Middle Eastern. Well, it was Middle Eastern night, so that's the best I can do. I quizzed everyone as to their favorite member of the band and the popular consensus was the bongo player. As for myself, I was in luv with the synthesizer player. Cause synthesizers are cheesy and whenever anyone takes anything cheesy seriously, well, that just floats my skirts like nothing else can. I like the paradox. Speaking of cheez, have you seen Madonna's new video? Fun, right? When she's practicing her dance moves in front of the mirror? So tongue in cheek and so awesome.

There is not enough dancing in my life. There, I said it.

Adding It Up

For lack of anything better to look at on my subway ride today, I started reading my root beer can. And shockingly noticed it had enough calories to feed a family of five. When did that happen? It made me realize how long it's been since I actually counted calories. There was a time in college when I did that religiously. I don't know why I stopped, really. I'm guessing it was probably about the time I discovered the wonders of cheap beer and jello shots. Now that I think about it, I can recap my college years really easily:

Freshman - Wow, I can eat ice cream for breakfast! No one's stopping me! This is fantastic! Wait, I can go back for seconds at lunch AND dinner? That's unheard of! Well, it's bad to let things go to waste. I love hanging with my friends in the cafeteria for 3 hours everyday. It's the best. What a great way to catch up with each other!

Sophmore - How did I get a C last year in Intro to Sculpture? I guess he wasn't as impressed with the bronze egg I turned in as my final as he should have been. Ok, I really need to focus this year. I should probably attend more classes than I miss. Good thinking! See, you're not so dumb after all.

Junior - I'm really sick of wearing all of this flannel. Why don't I ever wear those jeans I used to love in high school anymore? That's weird, they won't even fit over one leg. Did they shrink? It must be the crappy dryers here at school. There's got to be something cute in my closet that fits me. Wait a second. Oh. My. God. I'm fat! How did this happen? No, this is unacceptable. I will go to the gym 8 times a week and memorize the caloric contents of the entire grocery store.

Senior - It is so AWESOME that half of my friends can legally buy alcohol now. God, how did we ever have any fun without it? This is the best! Hey, remember last night when we drank all that trash can punch and started dancing on the table and then someone found the whip cream stash and we started smearing it in each other's hair. You looked so funny! Those pictures are going to rock!

Voila! That's pretty much it. And it more than prepared me for the binge drinking and sporadic gym obsession of my 20s. Yay college!

Tying Life and Art Together Nicely

I have been invited to a Dress To Impress shindig tomorrow night. Or Dress To Undress as those less couth are calling it. Where there will be apps and lots of drinks and lots of adult conversation, I fear. I don't want to go. But, sometimes I get lonely and somehow always end up going to these things.

I randomly read in the Metro this morning there will be a showing of A Clockwork Orange Saturday night at the Harvard Archive. Not only that, they will also be showing the Japanese movie Funeral Procession of Roses, which influenced Clockwork. On the site, it's described as "a narrative film punctured with man on the street interviews, experimental insertions of film leader, animation, and comic dialogue balloons popping out of character's mouths, and excessive, almost cartoonish violence." I LOVE that shit! I do! So, maybe I won't be standing around in heels and an empty smile all night after all.

Experimental insertions of film leader and the like really ties in nicely with the book I'm reading at the moment, New Media In Art (2005). Back in the 60s and early 70s, those wacky video artists were always doing goofy/ingratiating/daring things of that sort. Nam June Paik, one of the birth daddies of video art (along with Warhol), actually screened 30 minutes of unprocessed film leader as one of his first works. Can you imagine?! T-e-d-i-o-u-s. But, it was all so new and exciting for them. It was like, "Look! We're using the same medium Hollywood uses for their tacky musicals! Let's be subversive!"

The dialogue balloons coming out of mouths actually reminds me of an ecstasy trip a friend once relayed to me. She actually kept seeing this happen whenever anyone spoke. It was quite frightening for her, especially when she couldn't get it to stop. Reminds me of that time I retardedly decided to watch the South Park movie on acid. Baaaaaaad idea. There were like huge gross veins pulsing in the characters' already huge eyes. And I could see their skeletons underneath their clothes. Ack! But, later I became BFF with my Taco Bell burrito and he helped calm me down. Which all ties in nicely with the ECSTASY exhibit now happening at the LA MOCA. Looks pretty fantastic. I'm going to have to make a special trip out there to check it out.

Sigh. I'm going to tell you about my dreams.

I know, I know. Dream blogging is like the dregs of blogging. But, it moves me to relay it. And it helps me keep my blog semi-updated.

Not a win-win, but at least a lose-win, which is almost a win-win.

But not quite.

I had a tense, fitful sleep last night. All, in fact, due to horrible customer service.

In the first dream, I had ordered a slice of pizza. Simple, right? But, the workers! Lordy, the workers. They that I must depend upon for my nourishment took my order, THEN PROCEEDED TO YAK AMONGST THEMSELVES for an excrutiating amount of time. Then, another employee came over and started yakking with them, too! I just couldn't take it anymore and loudly declared, "Can I please just have my pizza?"

Then, I woke up, heart palpitating, jaw clenched. Took me a good hour to get back to sleep. But the night had only just begun...

In the next dream, I was stranded at the airport. But, that's not all. Evidently, I was part of this huge entourage traveling to...Disneyland. (Yes, I just can't get enough of that place.) Well, after waiting in the airport for four hours, only half of our group was allowed onto the plane. The indignity! Then, the pilot felt bad and instructed us to wait on Level B2. Somehow, I was separated from everyone and ended up on the Administrative Level of the airport AND NONE OF THE SECRETARIES WANTED TO HELP ME FIND B2. Finally, I yell out, "Can someone please just tell me where B2 is?" Causing the entire floor to stop what they're doing and disdainfully stare.

Then, I woke up, heart palpitating, jaw clenched, forcing myself to take deep breaths.

I blame these dreams on my general dislike of the human race lately. Or at least, my dislike of having to be near them all of the time.

I also blame these dreams on the horrible relations I have had with Office Depot this week. I don't want to get into it. Let's just say, they're like a bad lover and never keep their promises, often coming up with flimsy excuses and bad cover-ups.