One of Many, Many Toasts This Weekend

Drunk guy:
Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead.
Drunk girl:
What's that mean?
Drunk guy:
It's an Irish toast.
Drunk girl:
Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy:
Huh?
Drunk girl:
That's French toast.

Fiesta!

Self-Reflection

I am soooo putting off going to the grocery store in the horrible rain/mist that is pouring down in the city. But, also I am hungry. I really should go. I also really should send my resume to that job I'm fetching. Why am I putting off everything today? This clearly is not Structure. I need more practice at this Structure. I find it very hard to obey commands, even from myself. Yeah, I'll sit back and take in the command, but I won't generally jump to it and act on it immediately. I'm just not a "how high" kind of person. I'm a "let me think about it" kind of person. I'm also a "what's up, baby?" kind of a person. And a "shake it, don't break it" type, too. Oh yeah, and a "hey, you're real cute. what's your number?" type.

But, that's it.

New Years Resolution (Yes, it is singular)

This is very unlike me, but I have suddenly committed myself to a NEW YEAR RESOLUTION. Right this very moment, as a matter of fact. Ready for this? My life will revolve around Structure. I've been much too loosey goosey and bohemian in the conduction of my life these past, oh, 10 years or so. (Ok, more like my entire life really.) But, I'm all growns up now. I'm a big girl in a big world and I really, really need some structure. The bohemian thing just hasn't been working for me. No more "la la la" thoughts in my head. There will be more thoughts of "at 4 pm I will be constructing/learning/doing/being/and on and on." And on.

I've written it. And not just in my journal, but on my blog no less. So now it must be done.

I'm at work. And it's dead here. That's a picture of the US of A behind me in all of its time zone glory. Stuff like that is useful at work, you know.

Drive-by xmas lightings

Some Motherfuckin' Thoughts

I refuse to accept that my license to ill has expired.

"You're a pain in the ass, you have bad hair, but I like you alot." Amen, brother. Amen.

My recently married BFF has the most awesome set of friends on the planet. Not only is everyone of them keeping it real and a good time unto themselves, but each one of their spouses is freaking awesome, too! When you can just relax and laugh with every person in a room (collectively, individually), that's heaven. Not to mention, everyone ran to the dancefloor when Digging Your Scene by the Blow Monkeys came on. That's a wet dream come true.

What the Hell's Going on with You?

You've probably noticed that I've been quite mum regarding my recent trip to Vegas. Well, I really have to stick to the city's motto this time. Debauchry isn't just inspired there, it's normalized. A true cross-section of America roams its artificially lit halls and everyone, from the grandmothers to the 18 year olds, without fail, is carrying a freaking mixed drink in their hand. It's a little odd when there are just as many open beers in the elevator as people.

And I took up chain smoking during my short residency. I could smoke in my hotel room! I could smoke at the roulette table! I could smoke in the bathroom! In the restaurant! In the lobby! In the monorail! Everywhere!! It's like our own little Mexico, just a little more north of the border.

Amazingly, I got a little nostalgic for my hometown last night. I was speaking with a certain someone who still lives there. And he was rambling about all of the bars he'll be visiting with our fellow high school alums who descend upon the city this time of year. I NEVER go to Dallas for the holidays anymore. First of all, my mom doesn't live there. She lives in sunny San Diego, so what's the better option really? But, I get a little sad when I think of all the drunken reminiscing I'm missing out on. I was so tempted, I even checked out flights last night. Guess what. They're not cheap. No, looks like I'll be sticking to my former plan of wine, great girlfriends, a cozy couch, and some funny movies. Really, in the end, I think I'll be mighty happy with my choice.

And, then, what the hell is going on with New Years? What are people doing? What craziness is going to transpire? I want to know and I want to know now. I do have one party lined up, but I'm not sure how wild of a shindig it's going to turn out to be. I want to know what everyone else is doing, so maybe it will inspire me. Like, is anyone going to be costumed, or play some goofy game? I need ideas.

Honestly, I didn't think it could get worse.

This month's gas bill is $550. I shit you not.

A Toast To Those Who Suck at Karaoke, But Really Don't Care

Clubbin'

Little Ways To Brighten One's Day

My co-worker is a dead ringer for Amy Poehler. How fabulous would it be to work with Amy? Maybe I'll just pretend she's Amy. That may be good enough. I'll convince myself that every one of her actions is either a hilarious joke or the prelude to a hilarious joke. Let the work merriment begin!

There ain't enough m-o-m-e-n-t-u-m in my life. Gotta speed it up, baby. Which reminds me, somehow I managed to punch the button while listening to my voicemail that makes the play back sssssssllllllllllllooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww ddddddddddoooooooooooowwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn. Everyone sounds like they have chronic fatigue syndrome and love their job about as much as I do. It makes me giggle, I have to say. Maybe I should start talking like that in real life. Yes, perhaps talking in affected voices will be that extra little twist I need to brighten my day. It makes me think of that time in high school when we had to recite Shakespeare aloud. Every high schooler in America is forced through this, no doubt. But, when our teacher would step out of the room as she had a tendency to do about every ten minutes, we would start reciting the lines operatic style. Believe it or not, we were not classically trained in this esteemed art form of drawing out every word as if it were a paragraph unto itself. But, we did our best.

Ladies' Poker

View this clip on Vimeo

If You're Horny And You Know It, Take Off All Your Clothes

I've been studiously avoiding drama in my life. But, now I'm really bored. Let's pick a fight! Let's make out! Let's gossip! Something! Anything! I'm game.

Witness: I am now going to start a rumor. A POTENTIALLY TRUE rumor. Ooooooooh. Here it goes: I lust after one of my friends- wait, I'm not done- friends. I won't say if that person is also my friend, too, though. Or if that person is already attached. Or if that person is male or female. I will only say, I want them inside of me. Right now.

Whatever, I can't wait anymore. Here are my own pics:

Hey, party people!

I went to a party last night! Wooohoooo! Even though I left the party at 9 (it started at 6- cut some slack), I am tired. I've been waiting since 9 this morning for the host or any other blogger in attendance (and there were many) to post pics, but they are lame and clearly aren't even awake yet. So, let me recreate the setting for you: there were dips, mainly myself and my, ahem, friend. And there was a hostess with the mostest nice and cozy apartment. And there were people I haven't seen in at least one month. (That's like 10 years in Friends-Living-In-The-Same-City years.) And there was lots of make-up! And lights on a tree! And bubbly! And...and...talk of movies! And talk of life! And fits of laughter and amusement! And mild drunkenness! And this was all only by 9 pm.

So post the pics already. Jeesh.