Expressing Myself

I forget what article I was reading, something in the NYT or Psychology Today probably, and it included a paragraph which stated as a fact that females are more communicative by nature than males. I'm always a little cagey about feminine versus masculine defined traits, but this one actually hit home a bit.

Now, in my relationship past, I've definitely been more attracted to the non-traditional male. Well, come on, they just make better companions. They'll cry with you, emote with you, eat ice cream with you, dance to Madonna with you, and all of the stuff that makes life sweet. However, this time around, I seem to have found myself in love with the closest to the male cliché I've ever gotten. First of all, physically he's big and muscular, which is opposite from the normal skinny guys I inevitably find myself with . He's also obsessed with sports, playing every fantasy league known to man. He even plays real live sports! Normally, my guys have been just as clueless about MLB/NBA/ESPN as I have. And I could go on and on about the whiskey drinking, the rock and roll music (not really into my gay dance tunes), his clothes, and on and on.

So while I was reading the article, a big DING DING DING went off in my head. It's actually been a bit of a struggle for us to, well, talk about us. For me, as I suspect it is for most females, it's just a natural part of being in a relationship. You talk about it, analyze it, study it, compare it, worry about it, make epiphanies, and hopefully make yourself feel secure about this serious thing you're getting yourself into. I'm more than positive guys have these same thoughts to some extent (but how much, really?), but it really seems they either don't feel the need to express them or somehow feel impeded and suppress them instead. So every time we've talked about us, guess what, it's been instigated by me. The unfortunate side effect of this set-up being me feeling bottled up most of the time because I don't want to feel like I'm inundating him with relationship talk. When I do feel like I must Talk About Things, it's usually after I've worked myself into some tizzy about it all. In the end, we always end up happy and actually have productive talks. Not to mention, he's always, always receptive no matter what topic I broach. It's just, I wish we could explore our inner thoughts more often together, you know. Not only does it confirm you're both on the same page regarding everything, it even, more importantly, brings you closer, and starts making you kind of soul mates.

Because things always change on their own when you don't do anything about it, I waited and waited for him to start opening up and, of course, finally couldn't take it anymore. I think I ended up blurting something out post-coital (because isn't that always the best time to bring things like this up?) and was at first a little antagonistic and, ok, maybe a tad bitter about having to actually ask him to open up to me. But, he being who he is and never wanting to bicker (particularly when naked), he was 100% receptive and promised to focus on it, and even sent me an email the next day telling me how he's looking forward to opening up, etc. So, happy ending, right? Honestly, I am really optimistic about it. However, the whole matter did leave some lingering questions in my head. How much analyzing do people do? Is there really that wide of a variation? Should I just become Buddhist and chill the fuck out?