Wants

I want to sit around and watch art flicks for days on end while eating powdered donuts, mac and cheese, white bread, and other refined things.

I want to never take off my TJ Max, super comfy bathrobe.

I want to shave about 15 seconds off of my tooth brushing time without sacrificing cleanliness.

I want my mind to stop replaying embarrasing moments.

I want to stop providing my mind with embarrasing moments.

Electric Word, Life

Today, I have this problem wherein I become instantly bored after reading the first few sentences of any article. CAN NOT CONCENTRATE. Grrrrrr.

Last night, I did some filming...of myself. Yeah. Anyway, I decided to try the liquid black eyeliner I've had floating around in my makeup drawer 4-eva. Baaaaaaaad idea. That stuff gets everywhere. Please! I hate it now. I threw it away after trying to take it off and only succeeding in getting an off-black haze across half my face and still tons of the stuff left on my eyes. So today I get to walk around looking like I did some major partying last night. Heroin chic.

Yet not.

I've decided the theme song for my 31st birthday is Prince's Let's Go Crazy. I am fully aware of my lameness for having a theme song, but there it is. I so, so, so want to have everyone bow their heads before the birthday dinner and recite to them:

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called life

And then everyone yell, "Let's go crazy!" and do a shot of absinthe. But, that is my dream world. Operative word being dream. I know I can't force my crazy on people. I mean, I do want to keep them as friends. Best to play it cool. And by cool, I mean, get shitfaced and faux breakdance on the table. Cuz my friends love stuff like that! Don't you? Don't you friends?? Ok, maybe don't answer that.

The Day I Decide Life Is Too Short

I was first introduced to Haruki on an MIT poster announcing his one time only lecture. I confused him with Takashi Murakami and became unduly excited, frantically mental-noting the date. Only after I (of course) completely forgot the lecture altogether and happened across a still hanging reminder of the event, did I read the mini-bio and realize my ignorance.

However, in my misplaced tizzy of excitement, I had brought up the lecture to a few friends, who were also really excited to see him. As amusing as it would be to believe they made the identical mistake of identity, it dawned on me that I was most decidedly out of the cultural loop on this one.

Wikipedia to the rescue.

For some reason, the term postmodern intrinsically floats my skirt. When I read his novels described as such, I beelined it to the nearest bookstore and purchased THE WIND-UP BIRD CHRONICLE, which was cited by The New York Times (my bible, evidently) as one of his crowning achievements.

486 pages later, I am summarily over my Haruki fascination.

There are only about 150 pages more to go, but I just, I just, no more! It's the bluntness of the prose that's killing me, or better yet, its complete lack of elegance.
And the nail in the coffin for me is the complete loser who is the main character. He is an enervated and ambitionless man and if I have to read another boring thought of his, I just may turn into him.

And that would suck.

However, my decision not to finish the book is giving me a bit of anguish. That's like not wiping after you pee or something. Some things once started must be finished! But, dude, I'm old. Like, honestly, officially old. Time is of a premium now, and I guess I just no longer finish books that suck. Give me ten more years and I may even stop wiping. It's funny the things that seem to matter less and less with age.

(Not funny ha ha, more funny hmmmmmmmm.)

I Can't Respect You Anymore, C-SPAN. I Just Can't.

C-SPAN is making YouTube and iFilm pull their downloads of Colbert's speech, as mentioned in this NYT article. I LOVE the YouTube and I suddenly feel very, very protective of it. I just don't want everyone else to start pulling the same maneuvers with the site. Fuck all you content-owning assholes! Get with the program and make your stuff more accessible on the net before you start pulling it from everywhere.

I guess they are letting Google (and only Google) run the video, but I smell trouble. Not to mention, it made me question how much C-SPAN really is for public knowledge. Evidently, they've been accused of some right-winged bias in the past, according to their entry in Wiki.

Boston Common

Duuuuuuude

You Oughta Be In Pictures

Tue May 9
9:30
Fri-Sat May 12-13
midnite

18+ only
$12. Tickets now on sale at the box office! The 7th Annual "You Oughta Be in Pictures" amateur adult film festival, curated by the legendary Kim Airs, sells out the theatre every year - and has been featured extensively on HBO's Real Sex and Playboy's Sexcetera show! What you'll see is an entertaining mix of many different styles of adult video: everything from simply made single camera "self portraits" to well produced, stylized featurettes. The video then gets ceremoniously destroyed at the end of each screening so no contributors have to be concerned that their feature will be duplicated. See what the excitement is all about and get your tickets now before it sells out! Sponsored by Good Vibrations, Brookline's newest promoters of "sexual health and pleasure".
For more details about submitting a video, check out
www.grandopening.com [Of course, I can't access this website at work. Bummer.]

WHO'S IN?

RE: s'up

From: BoredAtWork
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 1:33 PM
To: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Subject: s'up

I just ate a cobb salad.

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From: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 1:41 PM
To: BoredAtWork
Subject: RE: s'up

you're a girl.

I'm just yet again loathing the fact that I'm stuck in a freaking office. Typical Thursday.

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From: BoredAtWork
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 1:46 PM
To: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Subject: RE: s'up

My date is tonight. I’ve got a few hours to come up with some material.

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From: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 1:49 PM
To: BoredAtWork
Subject: RE: s'up

Ask her if she knows why Michael Jackson always loses his races.

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From: BoredAtWork
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 1:54 PM
To: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Subject: RE: s'up

What the hell are you talking about?

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From: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 1:56 PM
To: BoredAtWork
Subject: RE: s'up

He prefers coming in a little behind.

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From: BoredAtWork
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 1:58 PM
To: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Subject: RE: s'up

She an elementary school counselor, so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea.

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From: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 2:08 PM
To: BoredAtWork
Subject: RE: s'up

Gotcha. Maybe just a handshake and hello, then?

That kinda reminds me, when I was in South Beach, there was actually a Chinese restaurant called Sum Yun Gai.

What does she counsel? Why it's not a good idea to eat glue?

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From: BoredAtWork
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 2:12 PM
To: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Subject: RE: s'up

Do you remember Duso the dolphin?

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From: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 2:20 PM
To: BoredAtWork
Subject: RE: s'up

It scares me. If they had brought that into my classroom, I would have cried. And then eaten my glue.

No, we were tortured with the "letter people."

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From: BoredAtWork
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 2:27 PM
To: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Subject: RE: s'up

I love Duso! I need to get my hands on that puppet!

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From: KillMeNowI'mSoBored
Sent: Thursday, May 04, 2006 2:34 PM
To: BoredAtWork
Subject: RE: s'up

Is that why you asked her out?

I Miss My Childhood

Currently, I'm watching Grosse Pointe Blank starring John Cusack and Minnie Driver. I remember really liking this movie when I watched it in the theater back in 1997 (when I actually watched movies in the theater), but it's not holding up so well on a second viewing. However, it's dawned on me why I enjoyed it so much the first time: the soundtrack consists solely of the sweet, sweet tunes of my youth (otherwise known as the 80s). It was one of the first movies I watched as a young adult that incorporated the songs from my very own formative musical era. I mean, that couldn't help but leave a favorable impression.

Unfortunately, the film itself is uneven at best. Its moments of charm involve the awesome cast of supporting characters, including Alan Arkin, Jeremy Piven, and particularly Minnie Driver. The American accent is working for her, let me tell you. What a lusty, full voice she has. (Now I'm kinda curious about that album she put out to little fanfare. But maybe that's a stone better left unturned.) On the flip side, the moments completely lacking in charm or believability involve Cusack's secret life as an assassin. I'm sorry, but Lloyd Dobler is no assassin. I mean, he'll always be a little bit of Lloyd, right? It's the baggage he must carry; along with his sister, who's featured here as his assistant. She does a pretty ok job. Actually, she does a fine job. All of the actors do a great job. I blame the faults of this movie on the writers (which included Cusack) and the director (George Armitage), who has made no other significant movie. Ever.

Regarding a bigger message, well, there doesn't appear to be one. This story is singularly about Blank's midlife crisis. There's only so much relating that can be done to a guy still crushing on the girl he stood up at the senior prom 10 years ago in order to join the army, only to become disenchanted and seek out the glamorous life of an Rayban wearing assassin. If only his motivations had been more tellingly revealed, the audience could have taken a bit more with them as the credits rolled- instead of just the urge to strip to your undies and boogie to the Violent Femmes (which, I guess, is enough when you're 22).

No, sadly, the movie leaves the plot as a cute premise at best, and a muddled action romance at worst.

...

Obligatory favorite quote: (regarding the reunion)
"It was just as if everyone had swelled."