The Onion is so on the money

Click the title above for the article.

Postmodern Relationships

Today our lives are different from our parents. They tended to get married in their 20s. We tend to in our 30s. Why did this shift occur? Is it all relatable to the social revolution of the 60s and our consequent egocentric preoccupation with discovering ourselves, before we allow others into our lives? Or perhaps marriage is an antiquated notion that is more of a limiting social construct for the young and unnecessary in our self-sufficient lives. Not to mention, we're able to look younger and feel younger with the non-stop innovations and revelations about diet and medicine. We can put off marriage much longer because we still look good enough to catch a mate well into our 30s and the advances in medicine make us feel secure about putting off the baby-making until the very last minute. I'm 32 and I don't think I'll really start worrying about the marriage/baby business until I'm 37 (nice random number, no? I figure that will just give me enough time to find a mate, get married and have a baby before I'm 40), so that's a good 5 more years of self-discovery with minimal impediments (or responsibilities as my mother would call them). And honestly, if I could, I'd put it off for another decade altogether. I actually have a couple of friends who don't want a baby at all and another who doesn't even have the desire to get married, which is more and more acceptable these days. I wonder, as our society progresses, if these tendencies will even become mainstream? Wouldn't it be awesome if, when we die, we get to go to some comfy lounge with unlimited pizza and brownies and a ginormous movie screen and chill out and watch what our society is up to after we're gone, maybe while playing some scrabble and connect 4?

The reason I bring all of this modern relationship stuff up is due to a movie I saw recently at Kendall: 2 Days In Paris, written, directed, edited, produced, composed, poster-designed, etc. by Julie Delpy. I enjoyed it because it dissects the kind of relationships us self-aware 30 years olds are having today. From the point of view of this movie, we revel in our own idiosyncrasies and struggle to adapt to those of our partners'. We end up like independent orbs that briefly collide for an interval, then inevitably end up feeling stifled and move on. Each relationship is more a diversion or a learning experience, than something that becomes a part of us. Which, actually when I think about it, is maybe a regression into our animalistic tendencies. We all have very reactionary, hedonistic, selfish desires, but we usually use our noggins to rationalize a more appropriate response that contributes to the greater good. Maybe being committed to another person is a way to step out of yourself and recognize your part in the community.

Though, our society does play to the glory of the individual, so perhaps we're only working within the system after all and struggling to be what society trumpets.

Expressing Myself

I forget what article I was reading, something in the NYT or Psychology Today probably, and it included a paragraph which stated as a fact that females are more communicative by nature than males. I'm always a little cagey about feminine versus masculine defined traits, but this one actually hit home a bit.

Now, in my relationship past, I've definitely been more attracted to the non-traditional male. Well, come on, they just make better companions. They'll cry with you, emote with you, eat ice cream with you, dance to Madonna with you, and all of the stuff that makes life sweet. However, this time around, I seem to have found myself in love with the closest to the male cliché I've ever gotten. First of all, physically he's big and muscular, which is opposite from the normal skinny guys I inevitably find myself with . He's also obsessed with sports, playing every fantasy league known to man. He even plays real live sports! Normally, my guys have been just as clueless about MLB/NBA/ESPN as I have. And I could go on and on about the whiskey drinking, the rock and roll music (not really into my gay dance tunes), his clothes, and on and on.

So while I was reading the article, a big DING DING DING went off in my head. It's actually been a bit of a struggle for us to, well, talk about us. For me, as I suspect it is for most females, it's just a natural part of being in a relationship. You talk about it, analyze it, study it, compare it, worry about it, make epiphanies, and hopefully make yourself feel secure about this serious thing you're getting yourself into. I'm more than positive guys have these same thoughts to some extent (but how much, really?), but it really seems they either don't feel the need to express them or somehow feel impeded and suppress them instead. So every time we've talked about us, guess what, it's been instigated by me. The unfortunate side effect of this set-up being me feeling bottled up most of the time because I don't want to feel like I'm inundating him with relationship talk. When I do feel like I must Talk About Things, it's usually after I've worked myself into some tizzy about it all. In the end, we always end up happy and actually have productive talks. Not to mention, he's always, always receptive no matter what topic I broach. It's just, I wish we could explore our inner thoughts more often together, you know. Not only does it confirm you're both on the same page regarding everything, it even, more importantly, brings you closer, and starts making you kind of soul mates.

Because things always change on their own when you don't do anything about it, I waited and waited for him to start opening up and, of course, finally couldn't take it anymore. I think I ended up blurting something out post-coital (because isn't that always the best time to bring things like this up?) and was at first a little antagonistic and, ok, maybe a tad bitter about having to actually ask him to open up to me. But, he being who he is and never wanting to bicker (particularly when naked), he was 100% receptive and promised to focus on it, and even sent me an email the next day telling me how he's looking forward to opening up, etc. So, happy ending, right? Honestly, I am really optimistic about it. However, the whole matter did leave some lingering questions in my head. How much analyzing do people do? Is there really that wide of a variation? Should I just become Buddhist and chill the fuck out?

Pic of the Day

Ashbloem in my apt.

Was this taken a year ago? I can barely remember now.

The Road Ahead

My boyfriend and I just read The Road and we started discussing it last night during our pre-show dinner at Myers & Chang. In a nutshell, it's a story about the end of the world and, consequently mankind, and the type of people our species becomes in the face of it. I won't beat around the bush, it's a thoroughly bleak novel. Through the monotone narration of the father, which is thoroughly laced with defeated acceptance, a philisophical lens is created, causing the book to linger with you long after you've read it. As we sat there pondering the intent of the author and our own interpretations over gai lan and udon noodles, we couldn't help but veer off into our own personal theories about Existence.

My boyfriend believes there's an overriding spirit out there that gives us/the world/the universe an inkling of rationality and therefore meaning. He doesn't think it's a grand deistic plan at all, but he is of the inclination that we humans are bound together through some kindred spirit. While he was describing it, it sounded so beautiful and hopeful, I couldn't help but try to see the inner goodness in everyone afterward. Although I personally believe our lives are inherently meaningless and absurd (no, I'm not a nihilist), I'd like to believe I hold some of this sublime hope that keeps him going. Now, the hope I see isn't grand and overarching in a higher spirit kind of way, but I do see, despite our aimless and brief lives, that each of us finds within ourselves our own reasons to live until the next day...no matter if that's a god or the beauty of the ocean or the touch of your lover's hand...which in and of itself become grand and omnipotent. No matter what it is.

The possibly best feature our little race possesses is the ability to hope, in whatever form you fashion it.